Cards Against Humanity might save humanity

Posted on Nov 17 2017 - 4:00am by
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It’s time to play a card game and save the country!

The people behind Cards Against Humanity have played their hand once again, and boy is it a doozy… These evil geniuses that previously dug (and subsequently filled in) a giant hole to nowhere, have just announced their latest holiday stunt, and it’s just what the weary American left needs after a very long, very trying 2017.

For $15, customers can sign up at Cards Against Humanity Saves America, and will become the proud recipients of six “America-saving surprises”, delivered to them by mail.

“It will be fun, it will be weird, and if you voted for Trump, you might want to sit this one out,” the company explicitly states on its site.

Most of the surprises they are hinting at remain secret, of course, but some or all of them will most definitely involve President Donald Trump’s oft-touted, and oft-maligned border wall between the USA and Mexico.

“We’ve purchased a plot of vacant land on the border and retained a law firm specializing in eminent domain to make it as time-consuming and expensive as possible for the wall to get built,” the site says. “All Cards Against Humanity Saves America recipients will get an illustrated map of the land, a certificate of our promise to fight the wall, some new cards and a few other surprises.”

Cards Against Humanity, is the notoriously naughty party/improv game, created following a 2010 Kickstarter campaign that raised approximately 400 percent of its target. Players try to outwit one another by playing cards with words or phrases that pair humorously with another card. It was based on the children’s game Apples to Apples, which involves the same premise, but with cards that are more suitable for the younger members of your family.

Like most of these specially designed Cards Against Humanity promotions, this one was limited. Only the first 150,000 people who signed up would be eligible for these gifts of mass yuletide disruption. Their countdown clock reported that all sign-ups were taken and accounted for by midnight on Tuesday.

Do you have more questions about the promotion? Their decidedly anti-Trump FAQ has answers for you. Here are a few of the highlights:

“I’D LIKE TO CANCEL MY ORDER: We’d like to cancel the 2016 election, but neither of us is going to get what we want.”

“WHAT ARE THE SIX SURPRISES?: The nature of a surprise is that it surprises you when it occurs.”

“WHAT ARE YOU SAVING AMERICA FROM?: Injustice, lies, racism, the whole enchilada.”

“YOU SAID YOU WEREN’T GOING TO DO ONE OF THESE COMPLICATED HOLIDAY PROMOTIONS AGAIN: We’re liars, just like the president.”

“IS CARDS AGAINST HUMANITY BEING POLITICALLY CORRECT NOW?: We’re just being regular correct.”

It’s not clear whether it is possible to affect major political change through the use of comedy and card games. However, in a year where park rangers, rogue NASA scientists, and Shia LaBeouf have all come out as leaders of #theresistance, it is clear to us all that anything is possible. Why not have the next step in the fight be powered by the makers of adult novelty games?

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